A relationship sabbatical is a “personal time-out from relationships for creative, professional or spiritual growth, reflection, renewal, a time to heal and refocus.” A sabbatical mindset is the condition of consciously disconnecting in the midst of a busy life, so that observation and distance create original, relevant, and meaningful ideas and perspectives. Notice that I did not say that the relationship is over. You can be complete with a relationship but they never end. You will also wonder how you could have allowed yourself to feel the way you feel right now. You will be proud that you no longer will allow yourself to grovel in self pity and pain like you did in the past. For now, working on you is the first key to unlocking a future chock full of infinite possibilities. It is now time to STOP blaming someone else for the misery you are creating for yourself. It’s time to let go of that and focus on taking full responsibility for the choices that are available to you right now. You must understand that the pain you feel right now is only temporary. Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “Love Notes for Lovers” e ZINE. Even without an actual relationship sabbatical, one can cultivate and benefit from a sabbatical mindset. Death, divorce, or separation does not end a relationship, it only changes it. Part of the healing is acknowledging that there were indeed problems that you were responsible for. Blaming others will only and always keep you stuck right where you are. Medical science has yet to prove that anyone has ever died from a broken heart. Taking a break from the routine of a relationship is essential if you are going to connect deeply with the dreams that can inspire you on the next stage of your journey. As long as you have memory, you will have relationships. It’s time to experience how it feels to stand on your own; taking care of you, paying special attention to who you need to become to attract a passionately monogamous, infidelity-free, fun in the bedroom relationship. For the time being, spend lots of time working on preparing for love – the love that you will share with someone else in the future. There is nothing wrong with taking a short break from each other? And then after a brief time apart, starting to date each other again. You should never do this if you are on the verge of a break-up or think that this would be a good excuse to cheat on your partner. Does absence make the heart grow fonder or forgetful? Read, “How to Take a Dating Sabbatical.” Copyright © 2010 – Larry James.I remember it hurt; I don’t remember all the details. He was a fantastic liar, always changing his story so smoothly.I recall a series of ups and downs, in which I felt completely inadequate as a relationship partner. He always made me believe in his intentions, before retracting his words and making me feel crazy for believing his previous sentiments would hold weight.
Setting a definitive amount keeps your sabbatical feeling like a break that you control, opposed to a perpetual slump that could go on for an indefinite amount of time. Singles should use this time to reflect on the behaviors they did and didn’t like in their former partner. You must muster the courage to look the problem straight in the eye and declare your independence from it. Rebuilding a relationship with yourself must be your highest priority.
Although I started my sabbatical out of frustration and annoyance, I learned more than I ever expected: I love my own company. It takes effort to fall in love with yourself in a way that requires no outside validation.
(After all, men can be extremely needy.) All of the newfound mental space I cleared up during my break gave me a fresh outlook on life, more time to spend doing what I needed, and clarity about what I actually wanted to get out of dating, whenever I chose to start again.
Taking a relationship break can be both exhilarating and scary at the same time. Focus on having fun without feeling the need to have to be with someone else. The longer you distance yourself from active relationships, the more in tune you will become with what you want now. In time, you will look back and wonder how you could have let something like that happen to you. If you think that he or she was solely responsible because of what they did or didn’t do, then you are missing the point. And you will do it when the desire to feel better about yourself again becomes stronger than the benefits of holding on to a past that obviously didn’t work. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Facebook.com/larry.james Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at:
If you have recently been in a relationship that didn’t work, perhaps it time to take a relationship sabbatical to reevaluate your past missteps and to form a new, healthier perspective on what you want in a prospective partner. You must learn to stand alone again before you can again stand together. If you also make a conscious decision to resolve not to allow those same problems to happen again, you will begin to feel better about yourself and the pain will ease. The hurts won’t heal until you will allow yourself to forgive. Time apart to give yourselves a chance to clear your thinking and to miss each other. This idea is adapted from Larry’s books, “How to Really Love the One You’re With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship,” “Love Notes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing” and “Red Hot Love Notes for Lovers.” Larry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and a nondenominational minister. – Celebrate and Celebrate Intimate Weddings.com: All articles and “Love Notes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, e ZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: